hierophany | Inbox

I know, I know. You'd love me if I replied by phone. You'd love me if I let Hierophant reply for me. And you'd know I loved you even if I was a little shit who refused to reply until I could do it properly.

[ He cares immensely that he's making a scene, but just not quite enough to stop doing it. ]

I want to do it right. I want to do everything right for you. Even though it doesn't matter at all.

Hmmm, good. Then you can tell me to be irresponsible and take you out right now, so you don't have to wait a minute longer for your — whatever you pick.

[He hitches Kakyoin up a little, making him bounce slightly not because he actually needs to readjust his grip, but just because he likes how easy it is to hold him — not effortless, but a burden that's pleasant, that makes him feel good to hold it up.]

Do you want a ring? It can be something else. It just has to be yours, that's all I care about.

I want- [ A ring would be correct. Proper. But Jotaro asked him what he wanted, and they just finished talking about how he can fuck up. How he can do things the wrong way and Jotaro will still know that he loves him. ] -it's silly. You can tell me to pick something else.

[ He holds on tighter when Jotaro bounces him, pulling himself in as close as he can and coiling his legs more tightly around Jotaro's waist. ]

Before I've woken up properly in the morning, I always get our earrings confused. And- it's going to happen forever, now. I'm going to wake up, and there'll be two sets of earrings and I might grab the wrong ones. Every day.

I want stud earrings, like yours. So that nobody will be able to tell when I fuck up.

Except me.

[It's truly astonishing how, without even trying, he somehow manages to make a smug correction in triumph come out sounding like I love you. Maybe just as astonishing how easy it is to knock his head back and lift his chin up and kiss Kakyoin for his trouble, one kiss that turns into two and three.]

I'll be able to tell. But it won't matter, because just wearing them at all is what'll make you mine.

You'll be wearing the wrong earrings too. And I'll- no matter what, I'll have the earrings you got for me, or I'll have yours, or I'll have one of each and- it's you. No matter if I fuck up or not, it's still you.

[ He kisses back, and it's starting to get easier and easier to forget they're at the front desk of a business and it's a very public place. ]

Adrian can't get his ears pierced. Or- that's not fair. But if he does then he has to get studs, too. Otherwise it'll be the same problem.

I don't think he could. The holes would heal over, he heals too fast. Unless he's trying not to, or...silver.

[But it's apparent from the flicker of cold malice that flits across Jotaro's expression, just for one brief and fleeting instant, that silver is not an option and will never be an option and in fact, he might just do something terrible and vindictive to anyone who might even dare try.

It's not an emotion directed at Kakyoin, of course. It's just a dark memory that appears and vanishes again, like a distant flash of lightning behind a thundercloud.]

He doesn't need earrings. His is different, anyway. Earrings — earrings are just us. You and me.

[ He doesn't know why Jotaro is agitated. There's still a lot he doesn't know about Adrian, really. But he brings a hand up to the back of his head, fingers in his hair, as he kisses him again. ]

Just us. And you can have something just for the two of you. And I'll find something just for him and I. That sounds nice.

Yeah. Some things for all of us, but...

[He calms, like an agitated dog, beneath the soothing press of Kakyoin's kisses, and slowly the simmering upset leaves him. Someday he'll know, maybe. He would understand. He would be as furious as Jotaro is, probably. He would want to hit someone just as much.

But it's not his secret to tell; it's only his to guard. So it'll have to keep for later, hovering around in the penumbras of this three-sided thing between them, waiting for someday to arrive.]

But something for just two of us is...important. I think. Because we're not all the same. Because...it should be a little different. Right?

Just a little different. He can have earrings if he figures out how to make them work. He just can't keep them in the same place. I only get to be confused about your earrings.

[ He keeps kissing until the anger seems to have subsided. Then keeps kissing after that, because he wants to. They're softer now. Lighter. Less desperate. Little presses of lips against Jotaro's lips, mostly, or whatever part of face is most convenient. ]

I don't know if it should be different. But it is. He wasn't in Egypt. I told him about the- everything. But he didn't see me like that. He wasn't there. And I wasn't- [ In Egypt either, at the end of things. ] -here, at the start, when he needed someone. When you did.

And you don't know what it's like to be in love with you. [ He adds, because there are other things he shares with Adrian and not Jotaro. He tells Adrian more. He's less conscious of what Adrian thinks of him while still wanting to avoid hurting him. Adrian understands what it is to be saved by this disaster of a man who doesn't ever seem to want to acknowledge that he did any saving at all. ] Which is a shame, you know. It's wonderful.

Edited 2020-10-26 00:05 (UTC)

What it's like to be in love with me, huh...

[At first blush, it's almost the kind of thing that sounds like it ought to be a joke, except that the more he thinks about it the more he realizes that it really isn't. He knows — some of how it feels for Adrian, sort of, between their long talks about a vampire's nature and what it means for their relationships, and Adrian's fears of becoming his father, and why "need" isn't the figurative concept that it is when it falls from human lips. He's borrowed Adrian's vampire nature before and he remembers that feeling, the overwhelming all-encompassing devotion, how Kakyoin had said come home and he was already going because there was nothing else he could possibly have done but give him what he wanted.

But that's not the same thing as being in love with him. He doesn't understand that, and he never could.

Of the three of them, he's always liked himself least, after all.]

What's so wonderful about it, anyway?

Edited 2020-10-26 04:00 (UTC)

You're going to act like it's not a big deal, if I tell you. You don't want it to be a big deal. You want it to just be the way things are. You want anyone to have been able to do what you did. It'll piss you off, that nobody else would.

[ He shifts just slightly. It's not a meaningful movement, just something. So this is less a stupid, playful embrace in the middle of a business that thankfully doesn't have any customers right now and more- still stupid, but if he lowers his head so he's whispering into Jotaro's ear it feels less so. This was an arrangement appropriate for certain types of emotional vulnerability but not others, but here they are. ]

You don't want us to love you for the reasons we do. You want us to love you because you look nice and do things to make us happy and know more things about otters than I do. The little things. The easy things. The replaceable things. The things anyone could do. And we do. But those are the details. The things that you could take away and we'd still love you. You don't really want to hear the big things. I can tell you, but you'll act like it's nothing.

[ He kisses below Jotaro's ear. ]

That's why it's just for us.

[...Well. Just shut him up neatly and efficiently, why don't you, Kakyoin. What could he possibly say in response to that, when he's already been read so well and so effectively?]

It's enough that you love me at all.

[And he knows, he knows that he's playing directly into Kakyoin's hands by saying it, that he's proving his point exactly by doing it, but he can't just...not say it. Not when it's the truth. Not when that sort of adoration leaves him feeling warm in a way he can't articulate, that he doesn't know how even to begin reacting to.]

But...you're right. I don't get it. And — that's okay...right?

Of course. You know that we love you, and that's the only part that you need to understand.

[ He can't see the door behind him, and that's a little disconcerting. He's fairly sure that Jotaro would have reacted in some way if someone came in but-

-fuck it, it wouldn't be embarrassing if someone saw this. At all. They can just be jealous of this amazing hug and he'll settle against Jotaro and be comfortable in the stupidest possible position to be comfortable in. ]

The less you think about it, the more you can think about otters.

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