hierophany | Inbox

Mmmmn.

[It feels good, obviously, because of course it does. Really he just feels good overall right now, between the comfortable pressure of having Kakyoin atop him like a weighted blanket, and the scratch of nails behind his wolf ears, and the chroma running between them in a reciprocal loop making everything warm and hazy.

It's always so strange to feel good like this; even after all this time, there's still a part of him that's still getting used to it.]

I miss it too sometimes. Liked having something to do with my hands. And my mouth.

[A lesser man would think that was an innuendo, but it's far too genuine — almost drowsy in its simple honesty.]

After I got here, I would do it to watch the smoke. 'Cause if it stopped blowing away, if it stopped moving...

[Then time would have stopped, and all of a sudden the anxiety he'd been trying to smoke away would be validated]

Then you'd know.

[ He says it softly. Because really, is that any different from his own refusal to sleep without Hierophant active? From how uneasy it made him to suddenly be so much less aware of the world around himself? Jotaro's weird and jumpy in his own stupid ways and he can't help but wonder, knowing what he does now, if it distresses Star in the same way he did.

It's very strange to be scratching Jotaro's ears, but it's good-strange. Even without the moonlacing, probably even without whatever effect the moons are having on him, it's good strange. ]

Do you still need that? To know.

Not as much. A couple months back, there was this thing...some kind of creature. Before it appeared, it kept fucking with time. I was out on my motorcycle and all of a sudden it —

[The rest of the sentence dies in his mouth, replaced by a sigh instead.]

Tore my leg open, I had to go to the clinic to get patched up. I thought I was over it but then that happened and it's like it all came back. Like it'd never been gone to begin with.

I think that's just how it is. Most of the time it feels like it's over. Then all of a sudden something happens, and it's like it never stopped to begin with.

So what I'm hearing is that I don't have a good excuse to get you the world's ugliest lava lamp.

[ He doesn't want to be dismissive. It just happens. Falls out of his mouth because it's the easiest thing to say. Because all of this happens in a world where he doesn't exist. Not because he's dead. But because in stopped time, he's just a thing.

He can't make this right. He can just- exist, on the other side of it. Be there for Jotaro to find once the worst is over. ]

Combustion engines don't work in stopped time, from what I've observed. [ If you don't have anything to say, just spout random trivia. ] If you were on your bike, you'd always know.

Since when do you need an excuse?

[Laughing feels different with Kakyoin on top of him. It's strange, the way it's only hard to do because of a physical weight, when the emotional burden is lighter than ever.]

I can feel you breathing. You're still moving. That makes it easy to know, too.

Because I'd be seen buying the ugly lava lamp. Can you imagine?

[ It catches him off guard, the way that he can feel Jotaro's laughter shaking his own chest. The movement happens before the sound of it, like lightning before thunder, and it moves through him and he has to stop for a moment to examine why that means anything to him and

it's because he's happy. He's happy, and Kakyoin can feel it in a way that even he might not think to fake. He's happy and the movement of it forces his own body to do the motions of happy and he's laughing before he quite realises it, shuffling as if he can edge closer to Jotaro than he already is by doing so. By the time he stops laughing, his hair noodle is draped over Jotaro's shoulder. Like he's tucked underneath it the way Hierophant hides under it sometimes. ]

If you say that kind of thing, I'm going to take it as an invitation to use you as a mattress all the time.

Huh. Guess you're not nearly the sneaky bastard I thought you were, if you can't even figure out how to do it without being seen.

[Hesitantly, like he's almost not sure if he's going to be allowed or not, he lifts one hand from where it's been on the mattress and brings it to rest against the nape of Kakyoin's neck instead. Just holding him. Just touching, in that small and understated and yet undeniably possessive way.]

I told you it'd help, didn't I?

Look, if someone's selling ugly lava lamps they have more than enough problems. I'm not going to steal from them.

[ The touch is almost less intimate than the laughter was. It would be, if it weren't for the fact that it's deliberate. He can picture each distinct movement that would need to be made, if he were mimicking the motion with Hierophant. Each muscle that would need to relax or constrict, each choice that would need to be made.

Jotaro is choosing to touch him.

He exhales into his chest, resuming the ear scritches. ]

Yeah. You did. [ He almost says some shit about wanting to inconvenience him again, but he opens his mouth and honesty falls out. ] It does.

See.

[His tail thumps again, approving of the attention to his ears; more subtly, the side of his thumb skims over the fine hairs at the nape of Kakyoin's neck, teasing just along the edge of his hairline.]

It's one of the reasons I don't really mind Sanguis that much. I like being able to...y'know. Help. Like this.

[But something Kakyoin had said before comes back to him, slowly, like light filtering down through ocean water into the deep calm he's in, and after a minute he adds: ]

You know...whatever you want to do, it's okay. I'm — what I'm trying to say is...

[He takes a minute. Breathes. Tries to put his thoughts in order. Kakyoin will understand him even if the message is haphazard, though, won't he? It's Kakyoin. No one has a knack for translating his gibberish like Kakyoin.]

I know you have things to figure out. I'm just saying...I'm not going to demand you figure them out with me, or anything. If you said you never wanted to...to sleep with me, or whatever, I would accept that. It wouldn't change how I feel about you. I wouldn't make trouble.

I just. Just, whatever's right for you, I've got your back. Okay? Do what's right for you. And I've got your back. I just want you to know that.

Technically, you have my front.

[ I know.

Normally he'd make a display of translating. Not this time. He pauses a while after that, choosing his words carefully. Taking longer with it than he otherwise might. ]

I want to. It's not that I don't want to. I just- need to do things in the right order. There are things I need to do first, and I'd rather not do them right now. [ He wiggles upward a little, enough that he can reach to kiss- somewhere around Jotaro's chin, which is close enough to his lips probably. Like it's natural. Like he's done it a thousand times before, rather than zero times. Like he needs to prove that it's not about the first being a big deal. ]

When I'm ready you'll know. I'll be sure to be unsubtle about it.

Your back and your front. If I keep this up pretty soon I'll have all of you.

[Kakyoin squirms up to kiss him, and with that light brush of his lips, Jotaro's breathing goes still. He doesn't want to move, doesn't want to do anything except let that happen and absorb it all while it lasts.]

I get it. I do. It was just important to me...y'know. That you know how I felt.

[One eye slides open, just a touch.]

Can I kiss you back? It's okay if it's not.

You don't want the sinuses. They're going to be a nightmare in a month or two. The rest is fine, I suppose.

[ The rest is fine. It's not true, but it's not really a lie so much as just plain fucking ridiculous. He nods in response to the question, trying for a moment to squirm his way up further before just deciding that Jotaro can lean his head forward instead. The kiss this time is somewhere around the corner of his lips. Closer, but not quite there. ]

Yeah.

Don't tell me what to do. I'll take what I want.

[He laughs a little again, this time accompanied by a throaty, rumbling growl that's pure Sanguis, almost a purr but for the fact that it's too lupine to properly be called one.

The hand at the nape of his neck presses a touch more emphatically now, like a caution not to move, and at length Jotaro lifts his head and angles his chin and catches Kakyoin's lower lip between his own — the closest yet to a proper kiss, and yet still not quite there.

Two can play at that game, after all.]

[ Whatever tension was in him from trying to word his apprehensions fades at that growl. He's not quite certain why, but he would be as confident as he ever is with uncertainty at guessing 'something to do with the moon'. For the moment, he doesn't have it in him to question it. Not when he's falling still at Jotaro's touch. Not when there's an almost-kiss trapping his lip between Jotaro's.

He doesn't say anything at first, because if he speaks then his lips will move. He'll break contact. He can't say anything until he slips the hand he was using to scratch Jotaro's ears behind his head, pushing it forward just a little more. Just enough so that when he does speak, there's no space between them. His lips move against Jotaro's, speech slightly distorted by a second pair of lips in the way of it. ]

Do it properly.

It's cute how you still think you're in charge.

[He says, like he wouldn't give Kakyoin anything he asked for right now because he's Kakyoin, like Sanguis wouldn't give him anything he asked for right now because he's Iris.

If he had it in him to stop and think, it might cross his mind how strange it is to finally find himself kissing Kakyoin, when he'd wondered for so long how it would feel to do it. He's wondered about it since before Lunatia, since before even those scars were set into place against Kakyoin's eyes. He's never really stopped wondering, even after it seemed like something that would never come to pass to begin with.

He doesn't have it in him to stop and think. Not when he's entirely preoccupied with changing the angle of his chin just that fraction more, and slanting his mouth against Kakyoin's the way it's supposed to be, without all the fussing and teasing.]

[ Does he need to respond to that? Probably not. Tempting as it is to say that it's a good thing Jotaro finds it appealing because he is, in fact, still in charge, he has better things to do with his mouth.

But it is really tempting to assert how in charge he is.

The imperfections are frustrating. He keeps bumping his nose against Jotaro's. He knows full well that he's been biting his lip for the last week and that the skin of it is rough and lumpy. It's been at least four hours since he brushed his teeth. It only occurs to him about halfway through that he should probably close his eyes rather than just staring at Jotaro's eyelashes from a few millimetres away. He's doing it wrong and he knows this is something that Jotaro has done more than him and that he'll know he's doing it wrong that's irritating and humiliating and

and it's worth the imperfections. He can worry about perfection later. For now, the hand he was using to push Jotato's head around settles in his hair. The fingers of his other hand dig into the cloth of his shirt, holding on tightly. Even if he's not so much kissing as just kind of putting his mouth on Jotaro's mouth it's all he's wanted since the early afternoon of November 28th. ]

Hmm.

[If Kakyoin were really in charge, he'd be the one timing when they ultimately broke away from each other, and since it's Jotaro who eventually does that, this is clear proof that he is, in fact, totally the one in charge.

He doesn't go far, though; he just sets them back to the way they were before, with their lips resting lightly together, with just a sliver of space between them left for words. Just close enough that it still brushes like a butterfly's wings when they talk.]

Mine now. Ha ha.

'Now'.

[ Because really, that's always been true. Jotaro's only just figured it out. He could probably think of a more clever retort if he tried, but he doesn't want to. He wants to be a Jotaro's-thing. ]

You're going to regret this, you know. I'm going to sleep like this and you'll be stuck.

You weigh about as much as a bunch of grapes.

[He lets his head fall back like a punkass, feigning laziness and complete disinterest in the terrible, terrible fate he's been consigned to.]

I could lift you even without Star's help. M'not worried.

You could. But you're not going to.

[ Because he's in charge. He kisses Jotaro again, lightly, and brings his hand back up to his ears. ]

You've traded your freedom for ear scratches, Jotaro Kujo. You have no-one to blame but yourself.

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