I PAUSE the game. I can't escape the fact that participating in this conversation is itself a text-based medium and therefore involves conscious and deliberate choices about the information that I offer. I might as well be honest about it.
I was raised to do one thing very well to the exclusion of all else. I was given limitless freedom and resources so long as I was acting in pursuit of that goal. I was not allowed to have my own phone growing up and was encouraged to isolate myself from others. I was six years old the first time I saw what a murder looked like and I was expected to determine who was responsible and why.
No one ever taught me how to be a person.
I know how to achieve goals. I don't feel things when I am pursuing a goal. Treating sex as a goal creates a catch-22 wherein the only way I can do it involves doing it in a way that eliminates the purpose of doing it to begin with.
I feel like you're the only person who stands a chance of comprehending how I feel when I say that sometimes I don't know how to be a person. It has nothing to do with you drawing on any personal experiences of your own but rather just that you have a tendency to understand the complicated things I say in ways that most people don't.
I want to delete this entire text but I refuse to be a coward and that in and of itself is an example of how I'm capable of achieving goals without being influenced by emotion.
I'm bad at sexting because sexting involves an inherent awareness of the aspects of oneself that the other party finds attractive and desirable and i don't
i hate being the object of people's pity because i don't want to have to consider whether i deserve it
no subject
I was raised to do one thing very well to the exclusion of all else. I was given limitless freedom and resources so long as I was acting in pursuit of that goal. I was not allowed to have my own phone growing up and was encouraged to isolate myself from others. I was six years old the first time I saw what a murder looked like and I was expected to determine who was responsible and why.
No one ever taught me how to be a person.
I know how to achieve goals. I don't feel things when I am pursuing a goal. Treating sex as a goal creates a catch-22 wherein the only way I can do it involves doing it in a way that eliminates the purpose of doing it to begin with.
I feel like you're the only person who stands a chance of comprehending how I feel when I say that sometimes I don't know how to be a person. It has nothing to do with you drawing on any personal experiences of your own but rather just that you have a tendency to understand the complicated things I say in ways that most people don't.
I want to delete this entire text but I refuse to be a coward and that in and of itself is an example of how I'm capable of achieving goals without being influenced by emotion.
I'm bad at sexting because sexting involves an inherent awareness of the aspects of oneself that the other party finds attractive and desirable and i don't
i hate being the object of people's pity because i don't want to have to consider whether i deserve it