i have to type something and it's going to take me some time don't read anything negative into it
[JUST GONNA. MITIGATE SOME OF THE APPREHENSION OF WATCHING "..." GO ON FOR TWENTY MINUTES, FROM THE OUTSET.]
I've never considered the possibility that my talent could be...aesthetic. It was always the opposite. Something not to be seen. Any focus on appearance or form would only detract from the output, the technical value.
There's someone here that I loathe. I've never met them but I loathe the idea of them because they do what I do, but with a focus on appearances. They draw attention to themselves. Every part of me rejects the idea of my work being a show or a spectacle.
But there's also a person here whose talent is photography. He takes pictures of me and the thought of leaving behind evidence of my existence unsettles me. But what overpowers even that feeling is the look on his face when he raises his camera and focuses on me. He looks at me like I'm something to be looked at and I've never been that before.
He could've been a fluke. Except without knowing any of that, you said the same thing.
I don't want to spend the rest of my life protecting you and I don't want you to spend the rest of yours protecting me. I don't want to do stupid things to get your attention or act like Sakura-chan except when it's convenient to be Sakura-chan or to stop being what I am for the sake of trying to be some conception of what I think I should have been.
I want you to watch me and tell me what it makes you think. That leaves us both vulnerable. I don't get to hide. And you don't get to dodge.
That should work out anyway, shouldn't it? I have to believe that most of what you'll tell me will be very stupid. We'll do a lot of talking about stupid things.
I don't just want you to make me feel safe. I want you to keep making me feel uncomfortable but safe, in a way that makes you uncomfortable but safe.
no subject
[JUST GONNA. MITIGATE SOME OF THE APPREHENSION OF WATCHING "..." GO ON FOR TWENTY MINUTES, FROM THE OUTSET.]
I've never considered the possibility that my talent could be...aesthetic. It was always the opposite. Something not to be seen. Any focus on appearance or form would only detract from the output, the technical value.
There's someone here that I loathe. I've never met them but I loathe the idea of them because they do what I do, but with a focus on appearances. They draw attention to themselves. Every part of me rejects the idea of my work being a show or a spectacle.
But there's also a person here whose talent is photography. He takes pictures of me and the thought of leaving behind evidence of my existence unsettles me. But what overpowers even that feeling is the look on his face when he raises his camera and focuses on me. He looks at me like I'm something to be looked at and I've never been that before.
He could've been a fluke. Except without knowing any of that, you said the same thing.
I don't want to spend the rest of my life protecting you and I don't want you to spend the rest of yours protecting me. I don't want to do stupid things to get your attention or act like Sakura-chan except when it's convenient to be Sakura-chan or to stop being what I am for the sake of trying to be some conception of what I think I should have been.
I want you to watch me and tell me what it makes you think. That leaves us both vulnerable. I don't get to hide. And you don't get to dodge.
That should work out anyway, shouldn't it? I have to believe that most of what you'll tell me will be very stupid. We'll do a lot of talking about stupid things.
I don't just want you to make me feel safe. I want you to keep making me feel uncomfortable but safe, in a way that makes you uncomfortable but safe.