hierophany | Inbox

You're not fucked up.
That, specifically, is not fucked up.

I think I understand. And I'll try. And if it doesn't work, it's not because it's a problem.

...Star will let me try, right?

star would never hurt you

i mean i'm not just saying that
i don't think star can hurt you
i mean not without me deliberately making him

like when i made him stop my heart
i had to force it because he wouldn't have done it otherwise

i think it's like that with you
i'd have to force him

You recognise how cheesy that sounds, right? I know it's the very literal truth, but still. It's not everyday someone tells you that hurting you is in the same category of difficulty as stopping their own heart.

And that's a relief. I trust you, and I trust him. But I trust him to keep you safe. If I fucked up and he thought something was wrong, he's faster than either of us and.

It's a non-issue, if he won't hurt me. I'm not scared of him, I promise. It's just. Important to me. To be prepared for these things.

even if i got scared, he would stop time before he attacked you

wait
i mean
he would stop time instead of attacking you
i mean "before" like
he would resort to that before he resorted to the other thing
not he'd do one thing then the other

he would just stop time and get me out of it

i don't mean theoretically
i tried something similar with adrian before
and that was the plan

star was the escape route
but we never had to use him because i was ok

I believe you.

I was just being careful. I don't want.
It'd fuck with you, if I got hurt.
I'm just making sure it doesn't happen.

Sorry if I made it weird. I'm still getting used to.
It mattering, I suppose. If something goes wrong.

you didn't make it weird

i think
you're supposed to do this kind of thing

before fucking around i mean
you're supposed to talk about it

they don't tell you that in books

They should. It's an irritating oversight.

But that's. The only thing I was really worried about, I think.
At least. The only thing I was worried about that can be addressed in advance.

Everything else is just. I trust you to tell me if I'm fucking up, you trust me to do the same.

hey nori

i really want you to wake me up in the morning
from doing stuff to me

that's on my list too

Noted.

I would say more, but.
It's best if we don't plan this one, right? Maybe you'll wake up first, if you're expecting it. That'd ruin everything.

Maybe I should just wake you up when I feel like it.

yeah
i think

how about this
i'll tell you before i go to sleep if i DON'T want it some night
if i don't tell you then it's fair game
and whether you do or don't is up to you

Perfect.

I wonder how long it's going to take for you to stop wondering, every night you don't tell me.

you can use hierophant to keep me under
if you want

if whatever you're doing is going to get
complicated

What if I put him in you and didn't do anything else.
Just left him there.

So you could wake up as normal. Go about your day. And he'd just be there. Hiding inside you.

that's

hm
that's kind of hot i think
but i think it'd be better if i knew
like having a secret

I'll tell you, then. And you can say if you don't want him there.

If you know he's there, you can send me a message if you want him to feel you up a little.

if i know he's there
you'll feel it when i feel me up a little, too

Oh, right. I will. I should take that into account.

I'm. Glad. I'm really glad that we can. Do this. Plan this sort of nonsense.
It sounds stupid, if I keep telling you that I love you. Repetitive.

But I just keep noticing it. Over and over.
That I love you.
That I get to love you and make plans and. That I'll get to keep doing it. For as long as I want to.
Which is probably forever.

I didn't think.
I always knew someone would love me. For a given value of 'love'.
But I thought it'd be because I tricked them into it. Because they thought I was better than I am. And I thought I'd keep them around because they were pretty or useful. I thought everyone involved would be content enough, but I didn't think I'd love them back.

Even if you didn't love me back, I'd be happy that you proved me wrong. That you proved that I was able to love someone.
But you do. And that's even better.

I'm just.
I'm happy. I've been happy for so long.
I know that it's been difficult for you, but I've been happy since you pulled that thing out of my head. Happier than I thought I'd ever be capable of being.

we both have a future now
i mean we all do
you and me and adrian

i think all of us
we all had our future taken away in one way or another

and
i know you don't love him like you love me
i know it's different for you two than for either of you and me

but i think
i feel good about this
us
all of us
our future

i want to keep loving you and keep being loved by you
and if we've got that
then whatever else happens
i think it's going to be ok

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