hierophany | INBOX (noctium)

I fucked it up a little.

[ Why was this so easy for that other him? All he has to do is say- anything, really. Anything true. Jotaro is one of so few people who he can be honest with, and he knows that he isn't going to be pushed away and it's still, still easier to fall into insincere self-deprecation than it is to just say a stupid phrase.

It's ridiculous that he's jealous of a himself from ten years and a universe away. Apparently somewhere in that ten years he got braver. Or maybe just better adjusted.

His hands are still in Jotaro's hair. He combs them through until they're at the back of his head, holding it still while he leans forward until their foreheads are pressed together, both of them hidden under the stupid brim of that stupid hat. And it's easier, when all he can see is his eyes. ]

I've loved you for so long.

[he's suddenly struck with that feeling he had on the platform when they were reunited, that if he let go all of this would disappear - having his best friend back, having him alive - and even though his he's still careful, slow - the arm that circle Kakyoin's waist to hold him is tight, the fingers that tangle in the back of his shirt equally so.

He takes a deep breath and his free hand comes up to rest against Kakyoin's cheek. For once - for now, there's no desire to steal his hat back and hide, or let something else speak for him]

November 26th, right. [it comes out much softer than he intended, the date that's been rattling around in his head since the Kakyoin from the future had mentioned it. Another deep breath; they're so close that he'd barely have to move to kiss him again] I loved you too. I have - for a while.

[he shut his eyes] I'm sorry. That I didn't realize I did until after you were gone.

Right. I-

[ There's almost a self-deprecating joke there. Without even wanting to, without even trying, he has to stop himself from putting more distance between them. He doesn't want distance. He doesn't need distance to be safe. The world doesn't need him to make a snide comment about how quickly and stupidly he fell the second that he found someone worth falling for. ]

-you don't need to be sorry. Now's- now's the best time anyway. He doesn't get to be shitty about it now.

[ Maybe not the best time to bring up Dio, but it can't be helped. It's near impossible to discuss anything about that time without him being present. But now this gets to happen in a place without him. The world is small, like this, restricted to only the place between Jotaro's arms. Small and safe and comfortable. He closes his eyes, too. Dio can't use him to hurt Jotaro, now. Not directly, by sending him to do it. And not in any other way. This is safe. ]

[for a long time, he thought of it in terms of - Dio happened. He lost people he cared more about in the few short months he knew them than most people he's met since. Life eventually moved on, and he picked up the Joestar legacy, by choice, to make sure it wouldn't happen again. He kept it simple because if he didn't, the anger he felt in the days after Cairo would have never gone away.

Dio has to come up now, but it's different. It doesn't come with anger, but a different, almost as intense feeling. The same one that keeps him as far from everyone he cares about as he can get. The same one he's trying, trying not to let ruin this]

You're right. [he opens his eyes again, meeting Kakyoin's] He's taken enough away from us.

[Jotaro leans up the short distance to kiss him, as soft as the first one. "Safe" isn't something he's felt for a long, long time. But he can make sure this stays safe, for as long as he can]

[ Somewhere in the second kiss, the fact that this is real starts to catch up with him. This is real, for whatever definition of real applies here. This is at least as real as his being alive is.

When he draws back this time, he doesn't say anything. Just slowly, carefully draws his fingers out from Jotaro's hair so he can' wrap his arms around his shoulders instead. It's an awkward angle to be leaning at, but it's hard to care. He closes his eyes and pulls himself as close to Jotaro as he can get and it's real.

And it's rare for Hierophant to act truly independently, but after a moment a long tendril coils slowly around the both of them. ]

[and to think, he thought maybe they would talk about it, a little, some things would manage to get said the way they were meant to be said, and maybe it would be a touch too awkward that after, they'd both need space to digest it all.

Even knowing what he does, he didn't think it would be this easy.

But only their positions are awkward and that's fine, he gets his other arm around Kakyoin to hold him back as tight as he dares and it's more than fine. His face is pressed into Kakyoin's shoulder and he couldn't give a shit -

The moment isn't ruined, exactly, but Star decides that he too wants to hug them both, like Hierophant is, and appears behind Kakyoin to do just that, one of his big hands carefully holding on to the tendril in lieu of actually being able to hug Hiero, too. Jotaro's laugh ends up muffled in his shirt]

[ The tendril loops itself around Star's wrist, coiling up his arm like a snake. He's under control enough to not appear fully without Kakyoin's say-so, but this much is- he could stop it, probably, if he wanted to. He doesn't. Star is a strange sort of pressure against his back, like sunlight with weight. It's nice. It's nice to feel his presence through Hierophant's tendril. And Jotaro's laughing aginast him and Jotaro is laughing and it's so, so much more than he thought he wanted. ]

Hi, Star. [ It sounds just a little overwhelmed, but there's a laugh under every other emotion in his voice. He lifts his head, leaning it back to try to see him. ] C'mere.

[ Yes Star should also get a kiss. Of course. ]

Edited 2021-08-06 22:18 (UTC)

[of course. Star knew what kisses were before the surprise one from a Hierophant ten years from the future. Jotaro probably didn't think he knew what they were, but Star does. And Kakyoin gets one, because he wants to give one.

(Hierophant will get a kiss at some point, when he isn't a tentacle. But for now this is fine, it's like they're holding hands but Hierophant doesn't have a hand right now)

To Jotaro it's a strange sensation - not a bad one, but one he doesn't experience often, and not outside of fights and stopping time and all the reasons he normally has Star out. He stays where he is and just. Takes a moment. To overwhelmed by all of this because it still feels all to surreal to be real. He doesn't think he can get Kakyoin much closer than he already is, but he still tries]

Maybe he does like you more.

INBOX (noctium)

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject