hierophany | INBOX (noctium)

[he doesn't miss the look on Kakyoin's face and the faint laugh slips out, for once not hidden by a hat or something else. Even though it's just a hat, it's more open than he's let himself be in - a very long time. "Let himself", because he knows he can just grab it back if he felt like it.

But he can't help but reach out, once Kakyoin takes it, to tug it down out of - something. He doesn't really know why, but he does it anyway, and if he's smiling again, well - he's ignoring the desire to hide it]

He likes Hierophant more. [as though it wasn't obvious, the way Star follows him around sometimes - and especially lately.

Jotaro glances down at their hands and that's what holds his attention]

Close enough.

[ Well. Kind of. Hierophant's been more and more his own not-quite-a-person lately.

He looks at their hands, too. Or he looks in the correct direction, but- ]

-what the fuck, how do you manage to see anything like this?

[ -the lowered hat brim doesn't work so well when you're not looking from a towering vantage point. ]

[he can't help but snort, but he does reach over to - try and fix the hat, more like how he wears it, though it's difficult to do on someone else]

Years of practice. [not technically a lie] I have to look down at everything.

Easy for you-

[ He grumbles it as Jotaro rearranges the hat, then stops in the middle of a word when the brim rises away and for the first time in a long time they're really looking at each other and-

-and it's not like he wasn't smiling before, give or take a little affected grumpiness. But he smiles. And slowly, cautiously, he raises up his free hand to the side of Jotaro's head, combing his fingers into his hair. ]

[his own free hand moves up, after a moment, to catch Kakyoin's. Not to stop it, but to curl his fingers around it. He's not good at affection - he never has been, but it doesn't stop him from trying when he wants. Like with Stevie. Like now.

There's about a dozen things that come to mind to say - what he had planned to say at some point, other things he's already said from behind the safety of a screen. He opts for something else instead - something lighter]

Is your fake girlfriend going to be all right with this?

[ So the thing is: Noriaki Kakyoin is not a good person. Oh, he tries to act like one. And time spent around Jotaro and Polnareff and Avdol has made him ruthless in service of their ideals instead of just cruel. But it genuinely hadn’t crossed his mind that it should matter whether ‘Sakura’ would be okay with this.

And it sounds like a lighthearted question. But it does matter. And he should think of her. He promised to remember. ]

I’ll- [ He starts, and he doesn’t move his hand away. ] -are you all right with it? That she’s important to Hierophant- to me- the way you are? If you are, it’ll be fine. She’ll understand. She’s the same as me.

[ah, there's more to it than he thought. It doesn't bother him - it wouldn't be fair for it to, even if it did. But it doesn't. He's . . . relieved that it doesn't, because it isn't as though he doesn't have someone else important to him, too. He tightens his hold on Kakyoin's hand, reassurance in case what he says isn't enough]

Yeah. [softly, with no hesitation. The hesitation comes next, because it's not teasing, it's a sincere thing he wants to - has to say, to make it clear] If - you're happy, then I'm all right with it.

I am.

[ He squeezes Jotaro’s hand before letting go, but only so he can lift his other hand up to Jotaro’s face, too. Hold it carefully as he stands, because they’re not quite sitting close enough together for this.

His voice is soft when he next speaks, not much above a whisper. ] I am.

[ And he leans forward until his lips touch Jotaro’s. ]

[trust Kakyoin to step right through any remaining barriers there might have been - one that had technically been made with a version of him from the future. It doesn't even occur to Jotaro to stop it - he doesn't want to. There are very, very few things he lets himself want and this - this is one of them.

He doesn't realize he's leaning up to meet him, or that his hand had moved, almost immediately to rest against Kakyoin's side to steady him. They're kissing, and - it's one of those things he never thought about. Never considered. But at the same time, it's a lot like how he would have imagined it]

[ He's thought about it. More than is strictly appropriate. And this isn't how he'd imagined it. When he imagines it they're both idiot teenagers and Jotaro stinks of tobacco and they're somewhere in the desert because the desert is the only place that the part of him that wants to do things like kiss people has ever really existed. And they're probably exhausted and aching either from the latest thing to try to kill the lot of them or just long days stuck in the back of a car that isn't built for people the size of a Joestar.

This isn't how he imagined it. But then, this isn't imagined.

He holds his lips against Jotaro's for a few moments. It's a very functional sort of kiss, the kind that isn't hungry or explorative or anything exciting like that but but is just performed to establish that kissing is the done thing. He breathes out when he draws back. ]

Well, I fucked that up. [ It's sheepish, so far as he ever manages to be sheepish about anything. ] The plan was just to get coffee and talk.

[it's a nice, simple first kiss. Hard to fuck up, even for them. It's simple and kind of sweet and - he doesn't get embarrassed, hardly ever, but he can't quite ignore the tips of his ears burning. He's twenty-eight and yet somehow feels like he's seventeen, briefly, long enough for him to decide that - yeah, maybe this should have happened a long time ago, first, before it became - different.

Not a bad different. Just different]

You didn't. [he lets out a breath] Fuck it up, I mean. We did both of those things.

I fucked it up a little.

[ Why was this so easy for that other him? All he has to do is say- anything, really. Anything true. Jotaro is one of so few people who he can be honest with, and he knows that he isn't going to be pushed away and it's still, still easier to fall into insincere self-deprecation than it is to just say a stupid phrase.

It's ridiculous that he's jealous of a himself from ten years and a universe away. Apparently somewhere in that ten years he got braver. Or maybe just better adjusted.

His hands are still in Jotaro's hair. He combs them through until they're at the back of his head, holding it still while he leans forward until their foreheads are pressed together, both of them hidden under the stupid brim of that stupid hat. And it's easier, when all he can see is his eyes. ]

I've loved you for so long.

[he's suddenly struck with that feeling he had on the platform when they were reunited, that if he let go all of this would disappear - having his best friend back, having him alive - and even though his he's still careful, slow - the arm that circle Kakyoin's waist to hold him is tight, the fingers that tangle in the back of his shirt equally so.

He takes a deep breath and his free hand comes up to rest against Kakyoin's cheek. For once - for now, there's no desire to steal his hat back and hide, or let something else speak for him]

November 26th, right. [it comes out much softer than he intended, the date that's been rattling around in his head since the Kakyoin from the future had mentioned it. Another deep breath; they're so close that he'd barely have to move to kiss him again] I loved you too. I have - for a while.

[he shut his eyes] I'm sorry. That I didn't realize I did until after you were gone.

Right. I-

[ There's almost a self-deprecating joke there. Without even wanting to, without even trying, he has to stop himself from putting more distance between them. He doesn't want distance. He doesn't need distance to be safe. The world doesn't need him to make a snide comment about how quickly and stupidly he fell the second that he found someone worth falling for. ]

-you don't need to be sorry. Now's- now's the best time anyway. He doesn't get to be shitty about it now.

[ Maybe not the best time to bring up Dio, but it can't be helped. It's near impossible to discuss anything about that time without him being present. But now this gets to happen in a place without him. The world is small, like this, restricted to only the place between Jotaro's arms. Small and safe and comfortable. He closes his eyes, too. Dio can't use him to hurt Jotaro, now. Not directly, by sending him to do it. And not in any other way. This is safe. ]

[for a long time, he thought of it in terms of - Dio happened. He lost people he cared more about in the few short months he knew them than most people he's met since. Life eventually moved on, and he picked up the Joestar legacy, by choice, to make sure it wouldn't happen again. He kept it simple because if he didn't, the anger he felt in the days after Cairo would have never gone away.

Dio has to come up now, but it's different. It doesn't come with anger, but a different, almost as intense feeling. The same one that keeps him as far from everyone he cares about as he can get. The same one he's trying, trying not to let ruin this]

You're right. [he opens his eyes again, meeting Kakyoin's] He's taken enough away from us.

[Jotaro leans up the short distance to kiss him, as soft as the first one. "Safe" isn't something he's felt for a long, long time. But he can make sure this stays safe, for as long as he can]

[ Somewhere in the second kiss, the fact that this is real starts to catch up with him. This is real, for whatever definition of real applies here. This is at least as real as his being alive is.

When he draws back this time, he doesn't say anything. Just slowly, carefully draws his fingers out from Jotaro's hair so he can' wrap his arms around his shoulders instead. It's an awkward angle to be leaning at, but it's hard to care. He closes his eyes and pulls himself as close to Jotaro as he can get and it's real.

And it's rare for Hierophant to act truly independently, but after a moment a long tendril coils slowly around the both of them. ]

[and to think, he thought maybe they would talk about it, a little, some things would manage to get said the way they were meant to be said, and maybe it would be a touch too awkward that after, they'd both need space to digest it all.

Even knowing what he does, he didn't think it would be this easy.

But only their positions are awkward and that's fine, he gets his other arm around Kakyoin to hold him back as tight as he dares and it's more than fine. His face is pressed into Kakyoin's shoulder and he couldn't give a shit -

The moment isn't ruined, exactly, but Star decides that he too wants to hug them both, like Hierophant is, and appears behind Kakyoin to do just that, one of his big hands carefully holding on to the tendril in lieu of actually being able to hug Hiero, too. Jotaro's laugh ends up muffled in his shirt]

[ The tendril loops itself around Star's wrist, coiling up his arm like a snake. He's under control enough to not appear fully without Kakyoin's say-so, but this much is- he could stop it, probably, if he wanted to. He doesn't. Star is a strange sort of pressure against his back, like sunlight with weight. It's nice. It's nice to feel his presence through Hierophant's tendril. And Jotaro's laughing aginast him and Jotaro is laughing and it's so, so much more than he thought he wanted. ]

Hi, Star. [ It sounds just a little overwhelmed, but there's a laugh under every other emotion in his voice. He lifts his head, leaning it back to try to see him. ] C'mere.

[ Yes Star should also get a kiss. Of course. ]

Edited 2021-08-06 22:18 (UTC)

[of course. Star knew what kisses were before the surprise one from a Hierophant ten years from the future. Jotaro probably didn't think he knew what they were, but Star does. And Kakyoin gets one, because he wants to give one.

(Hierophant will get a kiss at some point, when he isn't a tentacle. But for now this is fine, it's like they're holding hands but Hierophant doesn't have a hand right now)

To Jotaro it's a strange sensation - not a bad one, but one he doesn't experience often, and not outside of fights and stopping time and all the reasons he normally has Star out. He stays where he is and just. Takes a moment. To overwhelmed by all of this because it still feels all to surreal to be real. He doesn't think he can get Kakyoin much closer than he already is, but he still tries]

Maybe he does like you more.

INBOX (noctium)

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