hierophany | Inbox

Technically, I suppose, I tried to drag him out of the city to crystallise. Killing him would be something of an exercise in futility here. Mutual crystallisation seemed a more permanent solution.

I couldn’t see his face. I thought he was Dio.

...
oh

you saw him from the neck down
and thought

oh

From behind. It was at the Calanthe decrystallisation effort, when everyone was forced to attach to each other. I recognised his hands.

I would have told you, but this would have been around the time you were investigating Calanthe proper.

yeah
i was busy getting attacked by sticky horses
and dropped in a bubble

i'm sorry about that by the way
sorry i worried you
and glad you came after me

and i liked taking a nap with hierophant inside me
i felt safe

He likes it, inside you. You make a good hiding place.

Are you going out of your way to give me chances to say that I’ll always come after you?

More always now than before.
You made it happen. You decided you were going to be stuck with me forever.

yeah
yeah i am
because i like hearing you say it
because if you're saying it then i know it'll come true

you and adrian both do things that make me weak
and i like it
i don't like being weak but i like
...
i like that it reminds me of how much i trust you

You like being allowed to be weak. You don't want to be weak, but you don't like that one day in November it just stopped being an option entirely.

You don't like to be weak but you like knowing that you can be, just for a little while, and nobody's going to get hurt because of it.

It's okay. To let me be the strong one. I want you to let me be the strong one. It'll be a while before I get the chance back home. Let me make the most of it here.

what would i do without you nori

you always just know me
know the right words
even when i don't know them myself

You're good at telling me these things. I'm just translating.

But I suppose we'll never know what you'd do without me, will we? I don't like not knowing things, but I think I can bear it this time. Just this once.

you'll never know what the sky would look like if it was green either
you can approximate it
do little tests
but it'll never be the real thing

if you can deal with that you can deal with this

but yeah
do you want me to go up to lyestellus
and see if they have uh
stuff

I JUST SAID 'JUST THIS ONCE' I'M NOT GOING TO TOLERATE NOT KNOWING TWO THINGS.

But. Yeah. I mean there's no hurry, but.

It'd be nice to know if it's a real possibility.
Be sure to see if there's a way to counteract it, too.

hmm
you don't like it when i say things like "yessir"
but that was kind of hot, nori

bossing me around like that

anything else i should be sure to do?

Hmm.

It's getting colder. You should take my scarf.
That's part of Iris, after all. You always leave one of your shirts if you can't be there yourself.

right
because it smells like me
or i guess in this case you

that's a sanguis thing too
wanting your iris to smell like you

so
i'll take the scarf

Oh. I didn't know that. So I should steal your coat whenever I'm wingless enough to wear it.

Perhaps it's a good job you're not really an Iris. I won't have anything other than the scarf that would fit you,

yeah
the thing with sanguis is
you start to go a little crazy about your iris

you're attuned to them
and it feels wrong if you're not taking care of them
you should be making them happy
you should be making them purr

when they whimper you have to answer
have to make it better

you'd think that would be really tedious
and frustrating
having that kind of responsibility and pressure

but then you make your iris smile
or sigh
you make it better
and it feels so good it makes it all worth it

Oh. I didn't know it was. Like that.
I.

I know that I already said it, but.
I really am glad I'm yours.
That I can make you happy. That I matter that much. That both of us do. I didn't think.

I didn't think anyone would ever care about me this much. Not without. Not without it being conditional. Not without there being something I could fail at and lose it. Or something I'd have to give up.

But you do. And you keep saying it in stupid ways and I don't even think you know you're saying it. You're just saying how the world works.
And that you love me is just part of how the world works.

Also, I do not purr.

yeah that's how it is
remember that time it was iris and you didn't want to see me
and i was going crazy because you weren't letting me help

you didn't want to have sex
and i told you that was ok
all i wanted was just to hold you and bite you and make you calm down

that was enough
holding you was enough
making it better was enough

also you definitely purr
you don't realize it but i can definitely tell
it's an iris thing

I didn't mean to be difficult. It was just humiliating. To need someone. It still is. I didn't want you to see me like that. I thought you'd.

I don't know. I didn't think you'd judge. I thought you'd worry, maybe. Think that I couldn't look after myself.

But you're not just 'someone'. Needing you is acceptable.

you'll understand when i'm the iris i think
that it doesn't feel like that
it's more like being two halves of a whole

neither one of you is "right" unless you're together

I'll do my best. I want to understand.

Hey.
Can you make a list some time?

You don't have to do it right now. You have shopping to do. But I want.
To make you happy, I suppose.
But also to be better. At this.
I'm bad at guessing the right things to do.

sure
but i have a condition
something you have to promise me

it has to be okay with you if your list and my list aren't perfect
you can't take it personally
or blame yourself
or think it's wrong or bad if you don't like things that i do
or the other way around

it doesn't have to be perfect
it's okay if we don't like all the same things
and i'll get pissed at you if you make yourself do things you hate just because you think i want them

ok?

Okay.

I promise, I won’t do anything I don’t want to.
Or anything that I want to do for a reason that would piss you off.

Only things that I want to do. Or things I don’t know if I want to do, to learn.

yeah
"this doesn't do anything for me but let's do it because you like it" is ok
that's different than "i don't like this but you do so it's fine"

not knowing is ok
trying is ok
trying and realizing it's not good and needing to stop is ok

...
you know
it's kind of weird that i know more about sex than you
i'm so used to you knowing everything
pretty weird that it's reversed for once

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