hierophany | INBOX (noctium)

[he pauses, coffee halfway to his mouth. And then he snorts]

You're such a nerd. [not that he can talk, but he's going to say it anyway] 2000 is supposed to be a leap year, so '92 and '96.

People think that planes are going to fall out of the sky and all sorts of security systems are going to crash around the world, so being paranoid over a calendar seems pretty tame in comparison. [he takes a sip of coffee]

Being able to divide a number by fifty doesn't make someone a nerd. [ Rude. ] I'd expect it to be something to to with timed processes, if it's the date that's going to be causing problems. Hard to guess what it might fuck with without knowing what people have gone and attached clocks to in the next ten years. I'll just assume I know what I'm doing.

[ Look, speculating on computer issues from a decade in the future also does not make him a nerd. ]

Eight days, then. So 71 point- ...six, two- I've been gone 71.625 times longer than I knew you. [ It's soft. Matter-of-fact. Not at all nerdy. ] I shouldn't have expected you to be the same person. You were never going to be.

[he pauses again, this time glancing up before putting his coffee back down so he can tug at the brim of his hat, ducking his head]

. . . being able to figure that out in a matter of minutes makes you a nerd. I can't figure out math that fast. You already understand the computer shit better than I do, too. [also softly. He takes a deep breath]

Ten years is a long time. [he huffs out a noise] I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing, sometimes.

It's- I don't know if it's either. It's just a thing.

[ ... ]

But it is a thing. I'm not going to act like you're my elder, but it's stupid to try to act like nothing's changed at all. And I've been trying to do that for- fuck. Three times longer than I even knew the person I was expecting you to be?

[ He puts down his coffee, closes his eyes and breathes in. Holds the breath for a moment before letting it out, opening his eyes and reaching across the table. ]

My name is Noriaki Kakyoin. You write 'Nori' with the character for the code of law, 'Akira' with the characters for sun and moon and 'Kakyoin' as 'city of flowers'. I'd like to get to know you.

[Jotaro glances down as Kakyoin reaches across and - he waits, until Kakyoin stops talking to tentatively take his hand, in that careful way Kakyoin remembers him doing it before]

If you treat me like I'm your elder I'm throwing you out. [just like the first time Kakyoin threatened it, he doesn't mean it. He tries to hide the way his lips twitch under his hat.

He isn't going to tease or anything like that. He just listens, and considers his own response, and takes this as seriously as he take everything else]

. . . I've never really care about how my name is written, but "Jo" is written with character for accept or acquiesce, and "Kujo" is written with the characters for sky and article. [...] I'd - like to get to know you, too.

[ Perhaps part of it is just synchrony. It's hardly a secret that physical contact is more pleasant here than it would be back home. Synchrony or not, the contact feels like a weight just released itself from his chest. Breathing seems so much easier now than it was before. He lets out a breath of old air and takes in a deeper one of new. And smiles. ]

That was easier than I thought it would be. I thought I'd sound so stupid. [ It's not careful, the way he grabs Jotaro's hands in turn. It's not even calculated. It's just enthusiastic. ] I'd hate to make a shitty pretend first impression.

[maybe it's different because this isn't because they're trying to pull one another out of whatever fucked up situation this place has thrown them in; it's them making the choice for no reason other than that they want to. His grip slowly tightens, like now that the first step's been taken, it's easier]

Your real first impression was pretty shitty, so I guess you can only improve on that. [it's teasing. But it's also different, now that he knows there's much more significance to that day]

'Slightly better than pushing you down the stairs' wasn't quite the heights I was aiming for.

[ He tries to sound irritated. It's difficult. But it's difficult for a good reason, because the corners of his mouth keep turning up on their own, no matter what he has to say about it, and he can't quite keep the smile out of his voice.

It was this easy all along. ]

Not as if you did any better.

[ Blatant lie, but whatever. ]

[he can't quite hold back his own smile, but at least he has his hat to hide behind, even if it's completely obvious as to what he's doing]

Riling up those annoying girls was much worse than the stairs. [the only truth to be found in all of this. The huff is forced, sounding much more amused than it should]

I was always trying to make a bad first impression anyway. So technically, I did do better.

Mm. So you were trying to come off as too soft-hearted for your own good.

[ There's a chuckle under his breath as he says it, and that's all the warning anyone's going to get before a tentacle extends out from his sleeve, reaching up to push the brim of Jotaro's hat up and away from his eyes. ]

I wasn't—[the indignant protest only makes it halfway out. He doesn't startle, really, but it's hard to miss the surprise. The exact expression that comes from being caught hiding.

It doesn't last long; Star appears, and rather than doing something silly, like fixing Jotaro's hat he floats over to Kakyoin instead - and just picks up the chair and him in one, gentle movement to shift him closer. Enough that there's still distance, but neither of them are reaching as much anymore. Then Jotaro scowls, as upon disappearing, Star takes his hat off and sets it on the table] Traitor.

[ He's grinning when he pushes Jotaro's hat up, and that expression quickly shifts to alarm when his chair stops being on the ground, but doesn't end up saying anything at all. Then he opens his mouth to say something but closes it again and the expression that's left might be 'slightly shellshocked' if his ears were less red. He's had a stand his whole life. For the most part, he knows what to expect. Hierophant is weak, physically, as stands go, but he's still capable of lifting a human's weight without too much exertion.

It's just that Star can do so effortlessly. And yes, maybe he already knew that. Maybe (absolutely) he's thought about that before. It's different now, in the context of- this.

If the chair didn't have a back, he could lean back and be resting against Star's chest.

Star puts him down, and he's almost disappointed. But there's not a table between them anymore. There's not even a hat between them anymore, he notices a little slower than he'd usually expect from himself. Just empty space. ]

I suppose he just likes me better.

[ It takes him a moment, but he manages to sound the correct amount of insufferable when he says that instead of just slightly distracted by the fact that Star just swept him off his feet (well. his chair. swept his chair of its feet) like it was nothing.

And he takes Jotaro's hat and puts it on his own head for good measure. ]

[he doesn't miss the look on Kakyoin's face and the faint laugh slips out, for once not hidden by a hat or something else. Even though it's just a hat, it's more open than he's let himself be in - a very long time. "Let himself", because he knows he can just grab it back if he felt like it.

But he can't help but reach out, once Kakyoin takes it, to tug it down out of - something. He doesn't really know why, but he does it anyway, and if he's smiling again, well - he's ignoring the desire to hide it]

He likes Hierophant more. [as though it wasn't obvious, the way Star follows him around sometimes - and especially lately.

Jotaro glances down at their hands and that's what holds his attention]

Close enough.

[ Well. Kind of. Hierophant's been more and more his own not-quite-a-person lately.

He looks at their hands, too. Or he looks in the correct direction, but- ]

-what the fuck, how do you manage to see anything like this?

[ -the lowered hat brim doesn't work so well when you're not looking from a towering vantage point. ]

[he can't help but snort, but he does reach over to - try and fix the hat, more like how he wears it, though it's difficult to do on someone else]

Years of practice. [not technically a lie] I have to look down at everything.

Easy for you-

[ He grumbles it as Jotaro rearranges the hat, then stops in the middle of a word when the brim rises away and for the first time in a long time they're really looking at each other and-

-and it's not like he wasn't smiling before, give or take a little affected grumpiness. But he smiles. And slowly, cautiously, he raises up his free hand to the side of Jotaro's head, combing his fingers into his hair. ]

[his own free hand moves up, after a moment, to catch Kakyoin's. Not to stop it, but to curl his fingers around it. He's not good at affection - he never has been, but it doesn't stop him from trying when he wants. Like with Stevie. Like now.

There's about a dozen things that come to mind to say - what he had planned to say at some point, other things he's already said from behind the safety of a screen. He opts for something else instead - something lighter]

Is your fake girlfriend going to be all right with this?

[ So the thing is: Noriaki Kakyoin is not a good person. Oh, he tries to act like one. And time spent around Jotaro and Polnareff and Avdol has made him ruthless in service of their ideals instead of just cruel. But it genuinely hadn’t crossed his mind that it should matter whether ‘Sakura’ would be okay with this.

And it sounds like a lighthearted question. But it does matter. And he should think of her. He promised to remember. ]

I’ll- [ He starts, and he doesn’t move his hand away. ] -are you all right with it? That she’s important to Hierophant- to me- the way you are? If you are, it’ll be fine. She’ll understand. She’s the same as me.

[ah, there's more to it than he thought. It doesn't bother him - it wouldn't be fair for it to, even if it did. But it doesn't. He's . . . relieved that it doesn't, because it isn't as though he doesn't have someone else important to him, too. He tightens his hold on Kakyoin's hand, reassurance in case what he says isn't enough]

Yeah. [softly, with no hesitation. The hesitation comes next, because it's not teasing, it's a sincere thing he wants to - has to say, to make it clear] If - you're happy, then I'm all right with it.

I am.

[ He squeezes Jotaro’s hand before letting go, but only so he can lift his other hand up to Jotaro’s face, too. Hold it carefully as he stands, because they’re not quite sitting close enough together for this.

His voice is soft when he next speaks, not much above a whisper. ] I am.

[ And he leans forward until his lips touch Jotaro’s. ]

[trust Kakyoin to step right through any remaining barriers there might have been - one that had technically been made with a version of him from the future. It doesn't even occur to Jotaro to stop it - he doesn't want to. There are very, very few things he lets himself want and this - this is one of them.

He doesn't realize he's leaning up to meet him, or that his hand had moved, almost immediately to rest against Kakyoin's side to steady him. They're kissing, and - it's one of those things he never thought about. Never considered. But at the same time, it's a lot like how he would have imagined it]

[ He's thought about it. More than is strictly appropriate. And this isn't how he'd imagined it. When he imagines it they're both idiot teenagers and Jotaro stinks of tobacco and they're somewhere in the desert because the desert is the only place that the part of him that wants to do things like kiss people has ever really existed. And they're probably exhausted and aching either from the latest thing to try to kill the lot of them or just long days stuck in the back of a car that isn't built for people the size of a Joestar.

This isn't how he imagined it. But then, this isn't imagined.

He holds his lips against Jotaro's for a few moments. It's a very functional sort of kiss, the kind that isn't hungry or explorative or anything exciting like that but but is just performed to establish that kissing is the done thing. He breathes out when he draws back. ]

Well, I fucked that up. [ It's sheepish, so far as he ever manages to be sheepish about anything. ] The plan was just to get coffee and talk.

[it's a nice, simple first kiss. Hard to fuck up, even for them. It's simple and kind of sweet and - he doesn't get embarrassed, hardly ever, but he can't quite ignore the tips of his ears burning. He's twenty-eight and yet somehow feels like he's seventeen, briefly, long enough for him to decide that - yeah, maybe this should have happened a long time ago, first, before it became - different.

Not a bad different. Just different]

You didn't. [he lets out a breath] Fuck it up, I mean. We did both of those things.

I fucked it up a little.

[ Why was this so easy for that other him? All he has to do is say- anything, really. Anything true. Jotaro is one of so few people who he can be honest with, and he knows that he isn't going to be pushed away and it's still, still easier to fall into insincere self-deprecation than it is to just say a stupid phrase.

It's ridiculous that he's jealous of a himself from ten years and a universe away. Apparently somewhere in that ten years he got braver. Or maybe just better adjusted.

His hands are still in Jotaro's hair. He combs them through until they're at the back of his head, holding it still while he leans forward until their foreheads are pressed together, both of them hidden under the stupid brim of that stupid hat. And it's easier, when all he can see is his eyes. ]

I've loved you for so long.

[he's suddenly struck with that feeling he had on the platform when they were reunited, that if he let go all of this would disappear - having his best friend back, having him alive - and even though his he's still careful, slow - the arm that circle Kakyoin's waist to hold him is tight, the fingers that tangle in the back of his shirt equally so.

He takes a deep breath and his free hand comes up to rest against Kakyoin's cheek. For once - for now, there's no desire to steal his hat back and hide, or let something else speak for him]

November 26th, right. [it comes out much softer than he intended, the date that's been rattling around in his head since the Kakyoin from the future had mentioned it. Another deep breath; they're so close that he'd barely have to move to kiss him again] I loved you too. I have - for a while.

[he shut his eyes] I'm sorry. That I didn't realize I did until after you were gone.

INBOX (noctium)

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