hierophany | Inbox

Fine. But it's going to be an incomplete list if you're not going to let me fucking think.

I like that you can pick me up and move me where you want me to be.
I like when you say I'm pretty.
I like your stupid dragon voice and when you use it to mess with me.
I like keeping Hierophant inside you.
I want to see what you'd be like if you had to deal with the Iris thing.
I want to wake you up in the morning by doing stuff to you.
I don't know if I like tying you with Hierophant.

I don't like calling you things.
If either of you try to put a collar on me I'll make you eat it.

that's a pretty good list

...
which part of the iris thing
specifically

The thing. Are you really going to make me say it.

The horny thing.

you want me to be a wreck for you, huh

i can definitely understand that
i like it when it's you too
and adrian

and it's not just because of sanguis

It’d be nice, if it wasn’t annoying.

I like that you take care of us, when it happens. It’d be nice to do that for you.

...
i like that

it's hard for me
to get there, i mean
to let myself be okay with it
to let it happen

but i like it
when someone takes care of me

i like it when i don't have to think

I’m good at thinking.

I’m sure I can manage it for both of us.

you know i think in lyestellus
where they grow those flowers

i've seen stores up there

they might have
uh
something that would

simulate iris
in someone who isn't iris

Oh. I didn't realise that was a possibility. I was only using it to describe the.
You know.
I want you to need me that much.

But if it is a possibility.
Would you be okay with it?

i uh
i mean i guess i'd only really mind if there wasn't a good way to make it stop
like an antidote or something

which i know isn't really fair
because it's not like iris comes with an antidote

but i guess just
so long as i could make it stop if i didn't like it

then yeah
we could try it

It doesn't need to be fair. I don't want to do this to make it fair. I want to do it because.

Fuck do I have to say it.

It's nice.
It's annoying most of the time but.
It's nice to need you that much when you're there. Because nothing else matters. Just you. So the only possible thing that could go wrong is you leaving, and I know that you won't. So I don't need to worry about anything. It feels safe.

So if it doesn't feel like that for you then fuck that, there ought to be some way to counteract it.

oh
i get it
you want me to feel like that about you

safe

yeah
i like the sound of that

i want to know what that feels like
to be so safe
to have it be you

i want you to keep me safe

I'll do my best.

Hey.
Promise that you're not going to be an asshole if I say something stupid.
I want to say something stupid.

i promise i won't be an asshole
i mean i'll try really hard at least

tell me the stupid thing

I didn't ask you what happened. Because if I needed to know, you'd have told me. And because I understand a little of what those portals were.

That was a different Dio. Not mine or yours. It had to be, because you killed ours. And maybe he was just as bad but.
That's the thought that kept me going, when I needed to make sure that Adrian wasn't alone instead of going after you.

I've been trying not to think about it too much. There's a lot I don't know, and the implications that one can reach with incomplete information are terrifying.

But you reminded me just now. When you were talking about if you were a girl. That if there are other Dios, then there must be other yous as well.

And I think.
I think I would have always loved you. That it's a constant. Even if other things aren't. Even if there's a world where you're a girl. Or one where I die. I think that always stays the same. I always love you.

Whichever you I opened my eyes to when you pulled that thing out of my head, I would have loved.

But I'm glad that of all of them, I'm yours.
I'd have loved any one of you, but I think. I'd always be a little sadder, if it wasn't you. I wouldn't know why. But I'd miss this you, even if I never met them.

I'll be honest, I don't know how much sense this makes.
I know you don't like it when I revise my messages too much, so I only revised once.
It doesn't quite feel like enough if nothing else all the uses of the word 'you' are still very confusing even after one set of revisions.
But I won't do any more.

Just so you're aware I really don't want to send this.
It sounds stupid.
I'm adding this part just to put off hitting the send button and now I can't delete it because I already did all the revisions I'm going to allow myself.

Don't be a dick about it.

...
no, i think you're right
about constants
about things that are always the same

i didn't tell you about that dio
because if i did
i'd have to tell you how he ended up the way he was

have to tell you that in his world, jotaro lost

that's how he became what he was
because that jotaro lost

and that scares me
because i remember how close it got for me
and then i think, which time was it
which time was he too slow or too late or too weak

i don't know how he died
and to be honest i sort of want to change it so i never said it now
but you don't get to do revisions so that means i don't either

but

that makes me feel better
because
now i can remind myself that his kakyoin loved him
that being loved is a constant
and if his kakyoin loves him like you love me then i know he was

he was really lucky

and i think
i'm glad that even if i were lost across a thousand worlds with a thousand jotaros
you would still find me

i want it to be you, too

Don't change it. Please. It would still have happened, even if you didn't say it. I just wouldn't know. And I'd rather.
I'd rather know. Even if I can't do anything. Because I'd figure it out anyway, sooner or later. If you change it now, I'll just learn it again. It might hurt more next time.

His Kakyoin loved him. His Kakyoin opened his eyes at 2:47 on November the 28th and loved him. Even if you never learn anything else about him, that much is certain.

Thanks for not being a dick about it.
I feel stupid, talking about this. It doesn't feel real, even after everything else. I'm glad it makes sense to you.

i won't change it
i promise i won't change things without telling you
please believe me
please trust me
i know there's no way to prove it but i swear i won't do something and not tell you

i think
that we should change something though

the shrine
in the closet
let's make it for him
for them

that's not too stupid is it

You said you won't. That's proof enough.

It's not stupid. It's weird but.
It's not like we knew them but we kind of knew them.

And I kind of.
Owe him.
If he'd won, I'd still be dead.

oh
that reminds me
there's one other thing i should tell you
because i know you'll wonder
and it's important

that dio came after us specifically
he didn't just pick a jotaro at random
he came after us because we're the

i don't even know what to call it really
the main timeline
the primary one

you're the prime kakyoin
all the other ones are offshoots and what-ifs of you

That's weird to think about.

I'm the most possible Noriaki Kakyoin.
A notable achievement.

But you're right. I was wondering.
I was dreading how many of us must have had the victory taken away after everything.
I'm glad it's just us.

yeah
it's just us

is it weird that
i don't know

is it weird that the dio i fought when i went back didn't scare me like the other one did

and this new power of star's
it doesn't scare me like the world did

i don't know what that means
but he just

it just felt different

He isn't ours. If it was our Dio, I don't think I'd have been able to stay with Adrian. I don't know why that matters, but it does.

That's a lie. I know why it matters to me.

He's not our Dio, so he can't use me to hurt you. He has a different me.
It's probably different for you.
But that's why

I was going to say I wasn't worried.
I was.
But I knew that I had time to make sure Adrian didn't do anything stupid. That we'd still be able to find you if you needed us. Because he wasn't ours.

i know what you meant
you were worried about me, the person you love
but not about me, the guy saving the world

right?
because they're different, sort of

worrying about me the person
and worrying about the thing i'm off doing

Right. I knew you'd win. I knew you'd find your way back or hang in there until we could find you.
Just not whether you would be okay.

[ ... ]

Are you okay?
I apologise. I should have asked sooner.

if this was not already private IT IS NOW

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