hierophany | Inbox

jolyne did it before
the other way around i mean
it doesn't last for very long i don't think

anyway i don't know
it's just something i started thinking about
i don't think it would matter to me if it was you
if you had a dick or tits or neither or both
i just like you

so i guess i just started wondering
you know
what you like
if you ever thought about it

Oh. I don't really like girls or guys.
I mean. If I think about either, I just picture. People.

I just like you.
And a selection of fictional space princesses.
And Hierophant likes Adrian.

Also you do know that tits are not.
They don't go where a dick would go.
Please tell me you know this.

I KNOW WHAT THE OTHER THING IS

look anyway that's not
what i meant to ask is

there's stuff you like, right
i mean like
that you're into
that's what i started thinking about and then i kind of got sidetracked onto the other thing
about girls

Oh. I could make a list, if you would find that useful.

I don't know how helpful it would be.
I'm less informed on this topic than you or Adrian, I think.

yeah i think you should
so go ahead and make a list

but do it right now
no thinking about it
no first draft second draft third draft

just make the list right now

I have to be able to do revisions. I'll fuck it up if I don't get revisions.

you can do one set of revisions

Fine. But it's going to be an incomplete list if you're not going to let me fucking think.

I like that you can pick me up and move me where you want me to be.
I like when you say I'm pretty.
I like your stupid dragon voice and when you use it to mess with me.
I like keeping Hierophant inside you.
I want to see what you'd be like if you had to deal with the Iris thing.
I want to wake you up in the morning by doing stuff to you.
I don't know if I like tying you with Hierophant.

I don't like calling you things.
If either of you try to put a collar on me I'll make you eat it.

that's a pretty good list

...
which part of the iris thing
specifically

The thing. Are you really going to make me say it.

The horny thing.

you want me to be a wreck for you, huh

i can definitely understand that
i like it when it's you too
and adrian

and it's not just because of sanguis

It’d be nice, if it wasn’t annoying.

I like that you take care of us, when it happens. It’d be nice to do that for you.

...
i like that

it's hard for me
to get there, i mean
to let myself be okay with it
to let it happen

but i like it
when someone takes care of me

i like it when i don't have to think

I’m good at thinking.

I’m sure I can manage it for both of us.

you know i think in lyestellus
where they grow those flowers

i've seen stores up there

they might have
uh
something that would

simulate iris
in someone who isn't iris

Oh. I didn't realise that was a possibility. I was only using it to describe the.
You know.
I want you to need me that much.

But if it is a possibility.
Would you be okay with it?

i uh
i mean i guess i'd only really mind if there wasn't a good way to make it stop
like an antidote or something

which i know isn't really fair
because it's not like iris comes with an antidote

but i guess just
so long as i could make it stop if i didn't like it

then yeah
we could try it

It doesn't need to be fair. I don't want to do this to make it fair. I want to do it because.

Fuck do I have to say it.

It's nice.
It's annoying most of the time but.
It's nice to need you that much when you're there. Because nothing else matters. Just you. So the only possible thing that could go wrong is you leaving, and I know that you won't. So I don't need to worry about anything. It feels safe.

So if it doesn't feel like that for you then fuck that, there ought to be some way to counteract it.

oh
i get it
you want me to feel like that about you

safe

yeah
i like the sound of that

i want to know what that feels like
to be so safe
to have it be you

i want you to keep me safe

I'll do my best.

Hey.
Promise that you're not going to be an asshole if I say something stupid.
I want to say something stupid.

i promise i won't be an asshole
i mean i'll try really hard at least

tell me the stupid thing

I didn't ask you what happened. Because if I needed to know, you'd have told me. And because I understand a little of what those portals were.

That was a different Dio. Not mine or yours. It had to be, because you killed ours. And maybe he was just as bad but.
That's the thought that kept me going, when I needed to make sure that Adrian wasn't alone instead of going after you.

I've been trying not to think about it too much. There's a lot I don't know, and the implications that one can reach with incomplete information are terrifying.

But you reminded me just now. When you were talking about if you were a girl. That if there are other Dios, then there must be other yous as well.

And I think.
I think I would have always loved you. That it's a constant. Even if other things aren't. Even if there's a world where you're a girl. Or one where I die. I think that always stays the same. I always love you.

Whichever you I opened my eyes to when you pulled that thing out of my head, I would have loved.

But I'm glad that of all of them, I'm yours.
I'd have loved any one of you, but I think. I'd always be a little sadder, if it wasn't you. I wouldn't know why. But I'd miss this you, even if I never met them.

I'll be honest, I don't know how much sense this makes.
I know you don't like it when I revise my messages too much, so I only revised once.
It doesn't quite feel like enough if nothing else all the uses of the word 'you' are still very confusing even after one set of revisions.
But I won't do any more.

Just so you're aware I really don't want to send this.
It sounds stupid.
I'm adding this part just to put off hitting the send button and now I can't delete it because I already did all the revisions I'm going to allow myself.

Don't be a dick about it.

...
no, i think you're right
about constants
about things that are always the same

i didn't tell you about that dio
because if i did
i'd have to tell you how he ended up the way he was

have to tell you that in his world, jotaro lost

that's how he became what he was
because that jotaro lost

and that scares me
because i remember how close it got for me
and then i think, which time was it
which time was he too slow or too late or too weak

i don't know how he died
and to be honest i sort of want to change it so i never said it now
but you don't get to do revisions so that means i don't either

but

that makes me feel better
because
now i can remind myself that his kakyoin loved him
that being loved is a constant
and if his kakyoin loves him like you love me then i know he was

he was really lucky

and i think
i'm glad that even if i were lost across a thousand worlds with a thousand jotaros
you would still find me

i want it to be you, too

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if this was not already private IT IS NOW

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